Better Late than Never...

...or a few thoughts on being a Late Bloomer.

We've turned the corner from Winter into Spring (though in the Pacific NW, Spring really DOES come in like the proverbial lion--and I'm hoping it will go out quietly, smoothly, and meekly, like the proverbial lamb, cause the gray weather, blowy wind and slamming sheets of rain can be difficult to take day after day!) and tiny Spring flowers are abundant, poking their little yellow daffodil and white & lavender crocus heads up through the (very wet) earth. Which reminds me of blooming--or blooming LATE, as the case may be.
We live in a "hurry-up" culture and as such, our expectations for our personal timelines are often  unrealistically accelerated. Sure, there are virtuosos who finish college when they're 10 or have the vocal pipes of Pavarotti by the time they're seventeen, but they're truly the exception rather than the rule.
We tend to compare ourselves to others who already seem to be doing the things we think WE should be doing--finishing degrees, finding mates, embarking on lucrative careers, welcoming fame, honing phenomenal talent, getting published, reinventing their lives by dropping 50 pounds and making themselves over physically--whatever they're doing or whatever they seem to have ALREADY, we tell ourselves we "should" be there, too.
We "should" have it. Be it. Do it. Get it. Live it.
As a teen, I used to think I was peculiar because I physically developed later than my sister and a lot of other girls in school, and I carried my insecurities about my physical self around with me for years, long after I'd caught up with my peers. But by then I'd made myself miserable, clinging to an obsolete self-image that managed to find its way into other areas of my life.
All this thinking does is set us up for paralysis and misery, because it has nothing to do with us.

Sure, we can take stock of another person's life to gain inspiration for our own, but actually comparing ourselves is damaging. Who they are, what they're doing, what they have and how they got there is unique to them. Physically, they have different DNA. Career-wise, perhaps they had the support (financial, emotional), the inspiration, the drive, the talent, the curiosity, the self-awareness, the stroke of serendipity to get them where they are RIGHT NOW, while for others of us, it takes longer to glean a more complete picture of who we are, what we want, and where we're going. Generally, it takes growth in the form of years, emotional maturity (simply put, we need to "grow up"), reflection from trusted others, trial and error, and simply experiencing life to figure our paths out. That's most of us.
Hence the "Midlife Crisis," which, I believe, is generally just a (sometimes inconvenient but no less relevant) "waking up" to our potential before all of our years slip away for good.
We all have a timeline that we're asked, in some way, to surrender to (no, we can't control the Universe, try as we might!) and we are all gifted. It just takes time to identify, nurture and grow those gifts. Just like the Spring bulbs that remain dormant in the chilly earth and bloom with the warming of the seasons.
We bloom when we bloom. The trick is to keep moving forever FORWARD, keep feeding our talents, our curiosity, our gifts, keep showing up for OURSELVES and stop "should-ing" on ourselves--that's simply an energy leak. Personal empowerment involves managing our own side of the street, and time spent comparing and fretting over someone else's physical or professional progress is time unwisely spent. We all have our own blueprint and we learn our own unique lessons on our own unique timeline, so that we may ultimately offer our (unique) gifts fully and confidently to the world.
Or as Oscar Wilde is quoted as saying, "Be yourself, because everyone else is taken."

Friends vs. Coaches

Sometimes, when a potential client is talking to me on the phone, thinking out loud about the benefits of coaching and if those benefits outweigh the investment in time, energy and-yes-money, they'll mention that they often seek the counsel of their friends, enjoying long conversations about their lives, their concerns, the confusion dotting their personal landscapes. They love their friends, and from what I gather, their friends love them back-and serve a very important purpose: they're sounding boards.
We turn to our friends when life starts feeling overwhelming, or a little rough, or a little frustrating, or a little (or a LOT) sad. We turn to friends to celebrate our successes-to hold our hands (emotionally, and even literally) when we're anxious about something. We rely on our friends to be there for us throughout life's transitions, to hold space for our stories without judging (too harshly, if at all), and to tell us everything's going to be okay.
Or even just to listen, with no feedback whatsoever. Just to listen. Just to receive.
And yes, that is invaluable. That is precious. That is to be celebrated. It's a natural response.

But it's not the same as coaching.
Life Coaches listen, yes. We never judge. And while we are sometimes considered "cheerleaders" and naturally hold gentle space for your highest aspirations and biggest dreams, we don't necessarily tell you everything's going to be okay. We assume it will be-and we help you fortify your own inner strength, resources and resolve so that you KNOW-unequivocally, with every cell of your being-that "it" (whatever "it" is) WILL be okay. Because that deep inner knowledge is what will continually fuel your desire to succeed, to achieve, and to meet your long-held goals and dreams head-on, come what may.
Yes, we listen to your frustrations-and help you think of solutions so that you may begin to experience less frustration.
Life Coaches are an "objective other"-professionals trained to listen in a special way so that our feedback is always meaningful, constructive and motivating. We come armed with coaching tools & a sense of compassion, but don't know anything about our clients' lives prior to their soliciting us for our services beyond what our clients choose to share with us as we get to know them better. Life Coaches are working with an otherwise blank slate, and as our clients begin to illuminate their lives, we begin developing a complete picture of the person with whom we're speaking, and offer guidance based on that.
Our friends, on the other hand, may have years of history with us, which is why their feedback is often not objective. They may reply to us by saying things such as, "But you ALWAYS say that" or "you ALWAYS wanted to do that" or "You ALWAYS talk about x-y-z" which isn't helpful to us if what we're wanting is something more constructive. It may make us feel uneasy, embarrassed, confused, unaccomplished.
A Life Coach might say, "What do you think is keeping you from meeting that goal right now?" There is nothing accusatory-just gently questioning.
And in this way, the Life Coach enables the client to begin unraveling the knots in her life and move down the road, identifying stopping blocks on her path and putting them aside for good so that her dreams may finally come into clear focus and become realized in her lifetime.
There should be no question that our friends want the best for us (if we question this, we need to ask ourselves why they're still our friends!), but we must remember that they also have their OWN lives & dreams to manage/nurture/explore/grow. It's not realistic to expect our friends to want to invest a huge amount of time in our own lives-that's OUR "side of the street" to manage. That's our work.  Our friends may care, but it's up to US to care MORE.
So our friends will always serve a very meaningful purpose in our lives, and we love them for that.
But for deeper work, transformational work, truly life-changing work that allows us to examine our limiting beliefs and become unstuck, a professional Life Coach-who will listen objectively for an hour as you speak, dream, fret, question, explore and sometimes share things you may never have shared with anyone else (even your closest friends!)-is truly the best investment you can make in yourself.
Just like your friends, Life Coaches care about you and want to see you succeed! But unlike your friends, Life Coaches have the tools, objectivity, and professional training to help get you there.