It's good to be back....

So....my dear, poor neglected blog. I am back to populate you with words & thoughts and show you a little love. You're a little droopy and forlorn, but we'll get you back in shape in no time.
Yeah, I've been absent. 2013 wrapped wretchedly; my father passed in the wee hours of September 9th of Myelofibrosis with myself, my sister and my mother at his side. It was difficult, as death is, but not unexpected. My own grief took a long time to grapple with, but as someone who does process work for a living, I continually do my own work as well.

The grief counseling I did prior to my father's passing, and the grief counseling I did following it--as well as regular attendance at the Kaiser Hospice Bereavement Group helped me enormously. There is real comfort in being with a group of people who know and understand loss.

Unfortunately, a week and a half after the memorial service, just as I was preparing to resume my life as a Higher Education coach at InsideTrack, my mother's heart went into A-fib and threw off a clot which lodged in her upper left thigh, resulting in a transfemoral (above-knee) amputation of her left leg.

To say I was in shock was an understatement. Perhaps at some point I will publish the personal essay I composed about that whole transitional period of my life.

Long story short, my mother has exceptional coping skills, has done a lot of work on herself, and is incredibly resilient. Today, after months in a rehabilitative skilled nursing facility, she is back at home, has a prosthetic, and recently walked up and down a 24-stair flight (required by her physical therapist, who doesn't take no for an answer). She is just as poised and elegant and put together as she was prior to losing her leg. And she laughs when she's referred to as a gimp.

We have all adjusted. Life throws you curveballs, and either you acknowledge 'em, or get pretty brutally slammed in the face. Or both. But life doesn't stop when stuff happens. It really is what we do with it all that counts.
And of course, recovery tools were my friend during all this--the slogan, "One Day at a Time" has never been more pertinent.
So I'm back, my blog is back, and just because my cats were such a comfort to me during all that loss and transition, I'm including a picture of them here, lounging on their various trees (Abby is the big girl, Audrey is staring into the camera).
Yeah. It's good to be back.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes......

My goodness, it's been a while. No two ways about it.

The last time I posted was just prior to my accepting a full-time Executive Coaching gig with Inside Track here in Portland on April 30th, 2012--nearly 10 months ago!

Many things have changed since then. Professionally, I moved from coaching students with DeVry Online to coaching students with Cal State Online (the new online initiative for Cal State University students--very exciting!) On a personal note, I moved into a new living space in December--not my preferred month to move, for obvious reasons, but I've moved enough to know that you gotta strike when the opportunity presents itself when a new place comes up that suits your personal criteria. There's a story here.

As a coach, I'm lucky to be equipped with a personal toolbox that enables me to "self-coach" as necessary. I'd wanted to move for quite some time, but the momentum simply wasn't there. So I did a values assessment and got very clear on what the most important top 3 criteria in a new space would be for me; the ability to walk to work was basically number one (cat-friendly & wood floors, as well as non-smoking, were right up there, too).

As soon as I had that personal "Aha!," I found a place that afforded me a lovely, relaxing, centering 35-minute walk to work in the morning (and, as it stays lighter longer, in the early evening, as well). It fell into place very swiftly and easily. Clarifying our values really does charge up our momentum and enable us to gain a LOT of clarity & understanding about the direction we should be heading.

Also on the personal front, I've been supporting my sister and mother as they are the primary caregivers for my father, who is managing Myelofibrosis, a rather nasty/energy-sapping chronic form of Leukemia that involves a lot of hospital trips for transfusions. This is where my (12-step) program comes in handy--in the face of a chronic cancer, all we are truly able to do is take things One Day at a Time.

I've had to be conscious of my own self-care in the midst of so much transition, which involves (yes) those morning walks, enough sleep, acupuncture, and cooking healthfully, as well as my own process work for grief issues when they come up.  And I love holiday goodies and indulged this past season with gusto, understanding intrinsically that it's a moment in time and a celebration that feels good to participate in (and no, I am not one to turn down the gift of Greek Butter Cookies when a friend gives me a homemade box of them!) BUT I do begin feeling the effects of so much toothsomeness, so returning to my vegan/vegetarian home-cooked meals (with very little sugar) has been the best resolution for returning to functional normalcy. The better diet also helps those little pings and pangs that come along with being 47 and starting to feel the (really weird) effects of (sigh!) perimenopause.

At this point, I'm mostly moved in, the cats are enjoying my new futon sofa (or should I say, "THEIR" futon sofa!), it's a sunny but chilly January Monday (MLK Day & Obama's inaugural), and a good day to catch you all up on my months-long quietness.

I hope your holidays were lovely and peaceful, and that you set some great GOALS for the New Year!

See you in February. Stay warm. Peace.

~Caitlin, Embody Life Coaching

Embody the Possibilities....in 2012

As we approach the end of the year, it's natural to begin taking a personal inventory of the previous 12 months and what we accomplished, the goals we met, and the challenges that remain before us.

The challenges that remain before us often wind up as bullet points on our New Year's resolutions lists, to (hopefully) be crossed off sometime before the end of NEXT December 31st. I've always scribbled my own New Year's resolutions as bullet points on paper which I then usually tape up somewhere that I know I'll see them on a regular basis (next to my bedroom mirror is good) and be reminded of the promises I've made to myself about my new objectives for the upcoming year.

Generally that works--I'm a list-maker, anyway--and I like crossing off whatever I've accomplished. It gives me a sense of forward-motion, a sense of satisfaction that I'm taking myself seriously, honoring my own wishes, and taking steps to achieve the goals I've set for myself, no matter how modest they might seem to others.

This year, I'm trying something different. As an artistic/creative type, I respond well to visuals and I've always liked making vision boards to visually clarify my objectives. Typically, vision boards require poster board, glue, scissors, loads of old magazines, and a lot of patience (as well as great spatial relations!) I love these sorts of day-long dreamy artistic projects, but don't always have the time to sit and do them. So I researched online vision boards and came across the "O Dream Board," an offering on Oprah.com which I currently use and enjoy.

I've made two vision boards so far, both of which I've exported to my computer as jpegs that I then set as my computer desktop photo; this way, my Dream Board pops up to remind me of my goals each time I turn my computer on. Below is the first one I made:

Health, romance, creativity, financial abundance and animals (lots of them!) are all a part of my life's vision for myself, and creating a Dream Board is just one (creative) way of manifesting my goals and clarifying my New Year's resolutions. If you're visual, it may be something to experiment with to welcome your own heart's desires in the new year.

So Happy & Abundant New Year! What are your own resolutions/goals/dreams for 2012?

Spring Ahead

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." ~Anais Nin

This Spring has so far been about change. Lots of change.

I am releasing a friendship that has slowly become toxic; I had plans to move from one living space to another. And the day job I'm in just moved their offices from one (more convenient) location to another (less convenient) which, in most circumstances, would not be that big of a deal, except for the fact that I live without a car. The former location was a two-bus commute; the new location is a three-bus commute.After more than three years in a temporary contract that was only supposed to last two weeks, I believe this is the Universe' unmistakable way of nudging me out of my complacency and into the next leg of my journey.

This day job has been, for the most part, good to me. The regular income helped support me as I completed my Life Coach Certification training, and the flexibility enabled me to meet with clients as I began building my Coaching business, for which I am grateful. Although I'd been offered a permanent position with the company, it did not align with my values, and while flattered, it was necessary to decline.

So we packed our things and moved, and when the dust settled, I made my intentions for departure known.

It did not come as a surprise; my goals are beyond and outside the walls of that company, and my coworkers were all aware of that.

And there are signs--like the burgeoning Spring itself, with its new blossoms and teasing sun breaks--that the economy is slowly turning itself around.

And the timing of this move, this Universal nudge, and my impending departure--during the Spring, and right before Easter and Passover, significant holidays representing freedom, renewal, resurrection--seemed also significant.

So when I made my decision to leave and discussed my intentions with my contracting agency (who asked, "When is your contract up?" to which I replied, "Three years ago...") I felt terribly happy and remarkably at peace when I hung up the phone.

And I would be lying if I said I didn't also begin to feel the stirrings of fear, which are a normal part of the mix when ditching the relative comforts of the status quo and leaping into the unknown--something we will be called on to do in our lives over and over and over. I sat with the fear; I listened to what it had to tell me. I took steps to release it out of my body (acupuncture, long walks, long, soaky baths, recovery meetings, talks with trusted friends).

And I knew that, in spite of the fear, it was time to move forward. To leap. I encourage my clients to honor their fear and leap anyway, acknowledging the forward pull to growth and renewal along their own paths. Growth isn't necessarily easy....but it's always meaningful and stuffed with lessons. And all the messages I'd been receiving pointed to moving right along, including the following Daily Meditation that landed in my email in-box at work:

"God can't hand you anything new until you let go of what you're holding."

Sometimes you know when you are, finally, truly done--with a relationship that has ceased to feed you, with a job that presents more of a hardship to hang on to, with a living space that is a bit too noisy, a bit too close to the freeway, a bit too out-of-the-way.

What will the future bring me? What is ahead for me on my path? What will the new leg of my journey look like? How will that unfold? I don't know. And I'm not supposed to. What I AM supposed to do is "turn it over," as we say in Recovery, to my Higher Power, while I focus on putting one foot in front of the other and continue moving forward on my path. While I focus on "...letting go of what I'm holding."

Just like Daylight Savings, when we set our clocks forward one hour and enjoy longer, brighter days, it's time to "Spring Ahead."

I know that I will be okay. My needs will be met. I've been in Al-Anon 5 years and I have healthier tools for keeping myself grounded, serene, centered, peaceful, and in relationship with my Higher Power. I will be fine.

Time to take the risk--as we all must from time to time in our lives--to blossom.