Spring Ahead

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." ~Anais Nin

This Spring has so far been about change. Lots of change.

I am releasing a friendship that has slowly become toxic; I had plans to move from one living space to another. And the day job I'm in just moved their offices from one (more convenient) location to another (less convenient) which, in most circumstances, would not be that big of a deal, except for the fact that I live without a car. The former location was a two-bus commute; the new location is a three-bus commute.After more than three years in a temporary contract that was only supposed to last two weeks, I believe this is the Universe' unmistakable way of nudging me out of my complacency and into the next leg of my journey.

This day job has been, for the most part, good to me. The regular income helped support me as I completed my Life Coach Certification training, and the flexibility enabled me to meet with clients as I began building my Coaching business, for which I am grateful. Although I'd been offered a permanent position with the company, it did not align with my values, and while flattered, it was necessary to decline.

So we packed our things and moved, and when the dust settled, I made my intentions for departure known.

It did not come as a surprise; my goals are beyond and outside the walls of that company, and my coworkers were all aware of that.

And there are signs--like the burgeoning Spring itself, with its new blossoms and teasing sun breaks--that the economy is slowly turning itself around.

And the timing of this move, this Universal nudge, and my impending departure--during the Spring, and right before Easter and Passover, significant holidays representing freedom, renewal, resurrection--seemed also significant.

So when I made my decision to leave and discussed my intentions with my contracting agency (who asked, "When is your contract up?" to which I replied, "Three years ago...") I felt terribly happy and remarkably at peace when I hung up the phone.

And I would be lying if I said I didn't also begin to feel the stirrings of fear, which are a normal part of the mix when ditching the relative comforts of the status quo and leaping into the unknown--something we will be called on to do in our lives over and over and over. I sat with the fear; I listened to what it had to tell me. I took steps to release it out of my body (acupuncture, long walks, long, soaky baths, recovery meetings, talks with trusted friends).

And I knew that, in spite of the fear, it was time to move forward. To leap. I encourage my clients to honor their fear and leap anyway, acknowledging the forward pull to growth and renewal along their own paths. Growth isn't necessarily easy....but it's always meaningful and stuffed with lessons. And all the messages I'd been receiving pointed to moving right along, including the following Daily Meditation that landed in my email in-box at work:

"God can't hand you anything new until you let go of what you're holding."

Sometimes you know when you are, finally, truly done--with a relationship that has ceased to feed you, with a job that presents more of a hardship to hang on to, with a living space that is a bit too noisy, a bit too close to the freeway, a bit too out-of-the-way.

What will the future bring me? What is ahead for me on my path? What will the new leg of my journey look like? How will that unfold? I don't know. And I'm not supposed to. What I AM supposed to do is "turn it over," as we say in Recovery, to my Higher Power, while I focus on putting one foot in front of the other and continue moving forward on my path. While I focus on "...letting go of what I'm holding."

Just like Daylight Savings, when we set our clocks forward one hour and enjoy longer, brighter days, it's time to "Spring Ahead."

I know that I will be okay. My needs will be met. I've been in Al-Anon 5 years and I have healthier tools for keeping myself grounded, serene, centered, peaceful, and in relationship with my Higher Power. I will be fine.

Time to take the risk--as we all must from time to time in our lives--to blossom.