Better Late than Never...

...or a few thoughts on being a Late Bloomer.

We've turned the corner from Winter into Spring (though in the Pacific NW, Spring really DOES come in like the proverbial lion--and I'm hoping it will go out quietly, smoothly, and meekly, like the proverbial lamb, cause the gray weather, blowy wind and slamming sheets of rain can be difficult to take day after day!) and tiny Spring flowers are abundant, poking their little yellow daffodil and white & lavender crocus heads up through the (very wet) earth. Which reminds me of blooming--or blooming LATE, as the case may be.
We live in a "hurry-up" culture and as such, our expectations for our personal timelines are often  unrealistically accelerated. Sure, there are virtuosos who finish college when they're 10 or have the vocal pipes of Pavarotti by the time they're seventeen, but they're truly the exception rather than the rule.
We tend to compare ourselves to others who already seem to be doing the things we think WE should be doing--finishing degrees, finding mates, embarking on lucrative careers, welcoming fame, honing phenomenal talent, getting published, reinventing their lives by dropping 50 pounds and making themselves over physically--whatever they're doing or whatever they seem to have ALREADY, we tell ourselves we "should" be there, too.
We "should" have it. Be it. Do it. Get it. Live it.
As a teen, I used to think I was peculiar because I physically developed later than my sister and a lot of other girls in school, and I carried my insecurities about my physical self around with me for years, long after I'd caught up with my peers. But by then I'd made myself miserable, clinging to an obsolete self-image that managed to find its way into other areas of my life.
All this thinking does is set us up for paralysis and misery, because it has nothing to do with us.

Sure, we can take stock of another person's life to gain inspiration for our own, but actually comparing ourselves is damaging. Who they are, what they're doing, what they have and how they got there is unique to them. Physically, they have different DNA. Career-wise, perhaps they had the support (financial, emotional), the inspiration, the drive, the talent, the curiosity, the self-awareness, the stroke of serendipity to get them where they are RIGHT NOW, while for others of us, it takes longer to glean a more complete picture of who we are, what we want, and where we're going. Generally, it takes growth in the form of years, emotional maturity (simply put, we need to "grow up"), reflection from trusted others, trial and error, and simply experiencing life to figure our paths out. That's most of us.
Hence the "Midlife Crisis," which, I believe, is generally just a (sometimes inconvenient but no less relevant) "waking up" to our potential before all of our years slip away for good.
We all have a timeline that we're asked, in some way, to surrender to (no, we can't control the Universe, try as we might!) and we are all gifted. It just takes time to identify, nurture and grow those gifts. Just like the Spring bulbs that remain dormant in the chilly earth and bloom with the warming of the seasons.
We bloom when we bloom. The trick is to keep moving forever FORWARD, keep feeding our talents, our curiosity, our gifts, keep showing up for OURSELVES and stop "should-ing" on ourselves--that's simply an energy leak. Personal empowerment involves managing our own side of the street, and time spent comparing and fretting over someone else's physical or professional progress is time unwisely spent. We all have our own blueprint and we learn our own unique lessons on our own unique timeline, so that we may ultimately offer our (unique) gifts fully and confidently to the world.
Or as Oscar Wilde is quoted as saying, "Be yourself, because everyone else is taken."

Spring Ahead

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." ~Anais Nin

This Spring has so far been about change. Lots of change.

I am releasing a friendship that has slowly become toxic; I had plans to move from one living space to another. And the day job I'm in just moved their offices from one (more convenient) location to another (less convenient) which, in most circumstances, would not be that big of a deal, except for the fact that I live without a car. The former location was a two-bus commute; the new location is a three-bus commute.After more than three years in a temporary contract that was only supposed to last two weeks, I believe this is the Universe' unmistakable way of nudging me out of my complacency and into the next leg of my journey.

This day job has been, for the most part, good to me. The regular income helped support me as I completed my Life Coach Certification training, and the flexibility enabled me to meet with clients as I began building my Coaching business, for which I am grateful. Although I'd been offered a permanent position with the company, it did not align with my values, and while flattered, it was necessary to decline.

So we packed our things and moved, and when the dust settled, I made my intentions for departure known.

It did not come as a surprise; my goals are beyond and outside the walls of that company, and my coworkers were all aware of that.

And there are signs--like the burgeoning Spring itself, with its new blossoms and teasing sun breaks--that the economy is slowly turning itself around.

And the timing of this move, this Universal nudge, and my impending departure--during the Spring, and right before Easter and Passover, significant holidays representing freedom, renewal, resurrection--seemed also significant.

So when I made my decision to leave and discussed my intentions with my contracting agency (who asked, "When is your contract up?" to which I replied, "Three years ago...") I felt terribly happy and remarkably at peace when I hung up the phone.

And I would be lying if I said I didn't also begin to feel the stirrings of fear, which are a normal part of the mix when ditching the relative comforts of the status quo and leaping into the unknown--something we will be called on to do in our lives over and over and over. I sat with the fear; I listened to what it had to tell me. I took steps to release it out of my body (acupuncture, long walks, long, soaky baths, recovery meetings, talks with trusted friends).

And I knew that, in spite of the fear, it was time to move forward. To leap. I encourage my clients to honor their fear and leap anyway, acknowledging the forward pull to growth and renewal along their own paths. Growth isn't necessarily easy....but it's always meaningful and stuffed with lessons. And all the messages I'd been receiving pointed to moving right along, including the following Daily Meditation that landed in my email in-box at work:

"God can't hand you anything new until you let go of what you're holding."

Sometimes you know when you are, finally, truly done--with a relationship that has ceased to feed you, with a job that presents more of a hardship to hang on to, with a living space that is a bit too noisy, a bit too close to the freeway, a bit too out-of-the-way.

What will the future bring me? What is ahead for me on my path? What will the new leg of my journey look like? How will that unfold? I don't know. And I'm not supposed to. What I AM supposed to do is "turn it over," as we say in Recovery, to my Higher Power, while I focus on putting one foot in front of the other and continue moving forward on my path. While I focus on "...letting go of what I'm holding."

Just like Daylight Savings, when we set our clocks forward one hour and enjoy longer, brighter days, it's time to "Spring Ahead."

I know that I will be okay. My needs will be met. I've been in Al-Anon 5 years and I have healthier tools for keeping myself grounded, serene, centered, peaceful, and in relationship with my Higher Power. I will be fine.

Time to take the risk--as we all must from time to time in our lives--to blossom.