Better Late than Never...

...or a few thoughts on being a Late Bloomer.

We've turned the corner from Winter into Spring (though in the Pacific NW, Spring really DOES come in like the proverbial lion--and I'm hoping it will go out quietly, smoothly, and meekly, like the proverbial lamb, cause the gray weather, blowy wind and slamming sheets of rain can be difficult to take day after day!) and tiny Spring flowers are abundant, poking their little yellow daffodil and white & lavender crocus heads up through the (very wet) earth. Which reminds me of blooming--or blooming LATE, as the case may be.
We live in a "hurry-up" culture and as such, our expectations for our personal timelines are often  unrealistically accelerated. Sure, there are virtuosos who finish college when they're 10 or have the vocal pipes of Pavarotti by the time they're seventeen, but they're truly the exception rather than the rule.
We tend to compare ourselves to others who already seem to be doing the things we think WE should be doing--finishing degrees, finding mates, embarking on lucrative careers, welcoming fame, honing phenomenal talent, getting published, reinventing their lives by dropping 50 pounds and making themselves over physically--whatever they're doing or whatever they seem to have ALREADY, we tell ourselves we "should" be there, too.
We "should" have it. Be it. Do it. Get it. Live it.
As a teen, I used to think I was peculiar because I physically developed later than my sister and a lot of other girls in school, and I carried my insecurities about my physical self around with me for years, long after I'd caught up with my peers. But by then I'd made myself miserable, clinging to an obsolete self-image that managed to find its way into other areas of my life.
All this thinking does is set us up for paralysis and misery, because it has nothing to do with us.

Sure, we can take stock of another person's life to gain inspiration for our own, but actually comparing ourselves is damaging. Who they are, what they're doing, what they have and how they got there is unique to them. Physically, they have different DNA. Career-wise, perhaps they had the support (financial, emotional), the inspiration, the drive, the talent, the curiosity, the self-awareness, the stroke of serendipity to get them where they are RIGHT NOW, while for others of us, it takes longer to glean a more complete picture of who we are, what we want, and where we're going. Generally, it takes growth in the form of years, emotional maturity (simply put, we need to "grow up"), reflection from trusted others, trial and error, and simply experiencing life to figure our paths out. That's most of us.
Hence the "Midlife Crisis," which, I believe, is generally just a (sometimes inconvenient but no less relevant) "waking up" to our potential before all of our years slip away for good.
We all have a timeline that we're asked, in some way, to surrender to (no, we can't control the Universe, try as we might!) and we are all gifted. It just takes time to identify, nurture and grow those gifts. Just like the Spring bulbs that remain dormant in the chilly earth and bloom with the warming of the seasons.
We bloom when we bloom. The trick is to keep moving forever FORWARD, keep feeding our talents, our curiosity, our gifts, keep showing up for OURSELVES and stop "should-ing" on ourselves--that's simply an energy leak. Personal empowerment involves managing our own side of the street, and time spent comparing and fretting over someone else's physical or professional progress is time unwisely spent. We all have our own blueprint and we learn our own unique lessons on our own unique timeline, so that we may ultimately offer our (unique) gifts fully and confidently to the world.
Or as Oscar Wilde is quoted as saying, "Be yourself, because everyone else is taken."

Embody the Possibilities....in 2012

As we approach the end of the year, it's natural to begin taking a personal inventory of the previous 12 months and what we accomplished, the goals we met, and the challenges that remain before us.

The challenges that remain before us often wind up as bullet points on our New Year's resolutions lists, to (hopefully) be crossed off sometime before the end of NEXT December 31st. I've always scribbled my own New Year's resolutions as bullet points on paper which I then usually tape up somewhere that I know I'll see them on a regular basis (next to my bedroom mirror is good) and be reminded of the promises I've made to myself about my new objectives for the upcoming year.

Generally that works--I'm a list-maker, anyway--and I like crossing off whatever I've accomplished. It gives me a sense of forward-motion, a sense of satisfaction that I'm taking myself seriously, honoring my own wishes, and taking steps to achieve the goals I've set for myself, no matter how modest they might seem to others.

This year, I'm trying something different. As an artistic/creative type, I respond well to visuals and I've always liked making vision boards to visually clarify my objectives. Typically, vision boards require poster board, glue, scissors, loads of old magazines, and a lot of patience (as well as great spatial relations!) I love these sorts of day-long dreamy artistic projects, but don't always have the time to sit and do them. So I researched online vision boards and came across the "O Dream Board," an offering on Oprah.com which I currently use and enjoy.

I've made two vision boards so far, both of which I've exported to my computer as jpegs that I then set as my computer desktop photo; this way, my Dream Board pops up to remind me of my goals each time I turn my computer on. Below is the first one I made:

Health, romance, creativity, financial abundance and animals (lots of them!) are all a part of my life's vision for myself, and creating a Dream Board is just one (creative) way of manifesting my goals and clarifying my New Year's resolutions. If you're visual, it may be something to experiment with to welcome your own heart's desires in the new year.

So Happy & Abundant New Year! What are your own resolutions/goals/dreams for 2012?

A little bit on love (and fear)

I went out by myself on Valentine's Day this year.

I say "this year" because most years I do nothing. I don't "hate" the day, as is generally assumed about most single people at this time of year; in fact, I don't really pay it much attention, except for the candy sales that roll around the day after. I AM aware that my coupled-up friends have their plans, because I usually hear about them when the day has come and gone.

I've been single pretty much my whole life, by choice (and other variables I won't go into here).

I immersed myself in the safety of academic pursuits and when I was through with that, working and ruminating on a career path. I told myself I didn't have time to seek out companionship, and have so far lived my life according to that belief.

But this past Valentine's Day, things changed. Because I wanted them to change. Because I want to rewrite the script that would have me believe I "don't have time" to fit companionship into my life. Whatever has finally shifted and softened in my stubborn, I-can-do-this-life-alone mind set allowed me to Google "Singles Valentine's Day Events Portland Oregon 2011," and what I came up with was a blast.

Singles CPR.

No, not mouth-to-mouth with strangers; we used plastic dummies. But the plastic dummies were in a hotel conference room with about 15 strangers, every one of them probably as nervous as I was.

When I came across the American Red Cross announcement, I was immediately intrigued; here was a Valentine's Day event that didn't involve painful small talk, forced mingling or the need to whip out the frothiest frock I own and put myself out there in a way that made me want to shrivel up and die. It was a PRACTICAL event--which appealed to me greatly. We would be doing something, and that something involved saving lives. Plastic lives, but lives nonetheless.

When the day rolled around, I was anticipatory. Happily excited and a little nervous. I work a recovery (12-step--in this case, Al-Anon) program, and we sometimes refer to the negative keep-you-stuck voices in our heads as "The Sh*tty Committee." My committee had been trying DESPERATELY to talk me out of following through with my V-Day plans for the ensuing two weeks after I'd sent in my $20 registration. "It's cold," they whined. "It's a work night. You'll need to buy a new blouse.....they'll be younger/older than you. It'll be boring. You'll be embarrassed. Wouldn't it be nice just to stay home with the cats?" etc. etc.

I thanked the voices for their input and went anyway.

I have often found that simply putting my body somewhere I want to be--some event, such as this, that my mind would like to dissuade me from attending--is the healthiest, most effective way for me to "follow through" on things. I also know that, as a Life Coach who regularly encourages my clients to take those bold but sometimes scary steps towards making the changes they desire in their own lives, I need to "walk the walk" and not just "talk the talk." I, too, want to make certain changes (such as finding partnership) that involves taking some risks in my life and taking steps that may feel a little....scary. And each time I do, I am encouraged and emboldened in my objective. It's a step in the right direction, even if it's a new direction. Even if there's fear there. Fear doesn't have to keep us stuck, and expecting it not to be part of the changes we want to make is probably unrealistic. Nor is it about "conquering" the fear. It's about honoring it--acknowledging it--and doing what we'd planned to do anyway. This is how we grow. This is how we begin to truly understand what we're capable of, what our values are, what kinds of people we are in the world. Otherwise, everything stays (safely) tucked in the realm of theory.

When all was said and done, I had a marvelous time, chatted with some people, polished my choking & CPR skills, ate some chocolate and drank some wine. And even ended up on the evening news.

One never knows what they're going to get when they finally step out the front door in bold search of their dreams. Surrender. Have ridiculous fun. Honor your fear--don't fight it. Put your body where it needs to be. Show up. And be ready for anything.