It's good to be back....

So....my dear, poor neglected blog. I am back to populate you with words & thoughts and show you a little love. You're a little droopy and forlorn, but we'll get you back in shape in no time.
Yeah, I've been absent. 2013 wrapped wretchedly; my father passed in the wee hours of September 9th of Myelofibrosis with myself, my sister and my mother at his side. It was difficult, as death is, but not unexpected. My own grief took a long time to grapple with, but as someone who does process work for a living, I continually do my own work as well.

The grief counseling I did prior to my father's passing, and the grief counseling I did following it--as well as regular attendance at the Kaiser Hospice Bereavement Group helped me enormously. There is real comfort in being with a group of people who know and understand loss.

Unfortunately, a week and a half after the memorial service, just as I was preparing to resume my life as a Higher Education coach at InsideTrack, my mother's heart went into A-fib and threw off a clot which lodged in her upper left thigh, resulting in a transfemoral (above-knee) amputation of her left leg.

To say I was in shock was an understatement. Perhaps at some point I will publish the personal essay I composed about that whole transitional period of my life.

Long story short, my mother has exceptional coping skills, has done a lot of work on herself, and is incredibly resilient. Today, after months in a rehabilitative skilled nursing facility, she is back at home, has a prosthetic, and recently walked up and down a 24-stair flight (required by her physical therapist, who doesn't take no for an answer). She is just as poised and elegant and put together as she was prior to losing her leg. And she laughs when she's referred to as a gimp.

We have all adjusted. Life throws you curveballs, and either you acknowledge 'em, or get pretty brutally slammed in the face. Or both. But life doesn't stop when stuff happens. It really is what we do with it all that counts.
And of course, recovery tools were my friend during all this--the slogan, "One Day at a Time" has never been more pertinent.
So I'm back, my blog is back, and just because my cats were such a comfort to me during all that loss and transition, I'm including a picture of them here, lounging on their various trees (Abby is the big girl, Audrey is staring into the camera).
Yeah. It's good to be back.

Friends vs. Coaches

Sometimes, when a potential client is talking to me on the phone, thinking out loud about the benefits of coaching and if those benefits outweigh the investment in time, energy and-yes-money, they'll mention that they often seek the counsel of their friends, enjoying long conversations about their lives, their concerns, the confusion dotting their personal landscapes. They love their friends, and from what I gather, their friends love them back-and serve a very important purpose: they're sounding boards.
We turn to our friends when life starts feeling overwhelming, or a little rough, or a little frustrating, or a little (or a LOT) sad. We turn to friends to celebrate our successes-to hold our hands (emotionally, and even literally) when we're anxious about something. We rely on our friends to be there for us throughout life's transitions, to hold space for our stories without judging (too harshly, if at all), and to tell us everything's going to be okay.
Or even just to listen, with no feedback whatsoever. Just to listen. Just to receive.
And yes, that is invaluable. That is precious. That is to be celebrated. It's a natural response.

But it's not the same as coaching.
Life Coaches listen, yes. We never judge. And while we are sometimes considered "cheerleaders" and naturally hold gentle space for your highest aspirations and biggest dreams, we don't necessarily tell you everything's going to be okay. We assume it will be-and we help you fortify your own inner strength, resources and resolve so that you KNOW-unequivocally, with every cell of your being-that "it" (whatever "it" is) WILL be okay. Because that deep inner knowledge is what will continually fuel your desire to succeed, to achieve, and to meet your long-held goals and dreams head-on, come what may.
Yes, we listen to your frustrations-and help you think of solutions so that you may begin to experience less frustration.
Life Coaches are an "objective other"-professionals trained to listen in a special way so that our feedback is always meaningful, constructive and motivating. We come armed with coaching tools & a sense of compassion, but don't know anything about our clients' lives prior to their soliciting us for our services beyond what our clients choose to share with us as we get to know them better. Life Coaches are working with an otherwise blank slate, and as our clients begin to illuminate their lives, we begin developing a complete picture of the person with whom we're speaking, and offer guidance based on that.
Our friends, on the other hand, may have years of history with us, which is why their feedback is often not objective. They may reply to us by saying things such as, "But you ALWAYS say that" or "you ALWAYS wanted to do that" or "You ALWAYS talk about x-y-z" which isn't helpful to us if what we're wanting is something more constructive. It may make us feel uneasy, embarrassed, confused, unaccomplished.
A Life Coach might say, "What do you think is keeping you from meeting that goal right now?" There is nothing accusatory-just gently questioning.
And in this way, the Life Coach enables the client to begin unraveling the knots in her life and move down the road, identifying stopping blocks on her path and putting them aside for good so that her dreams may finally come into clear focus and become realized in her lifetime.
There should be no question that our friends want the best for us (if we question this, we need to ask ourselves why they're still our friends!), but we must remember that they also have their OWN lives & dreams to manage/nurture/explore/grow. It's not realistic to expect our friends to want to invest a huge amount of time in our own lives-that's OUR "side of the street" to manage. That's our work.  Our friends may care, but it's up to US to care MORE.
So our friends will always serve a very meaningful purpose in our lives, and we love them for that.
But for deeper work, transformational work, truly life-changing work that allows us to examine our limiting beliefs and become unstuck, a professional Life Coach-who will listen objectively for an hour as you speak, dream, fret, question, explore and sometimes share things you may never have shared with anyone else (even your closest friends!)-is truly the best investment you can make in yourself.
Just like your friends, Life Coaches care about you and want to see you succeed! But unlike your friends, Life Coaches have the tools, objectivity, and professional training to help get you there.